Today, you woke up sick with a stomach bug. I was 99% certain that you would, since you were complaining of a belly ache last night, and I had been fighting the bug yesterday.
When you came into the room where I was already working online at 7a.m., I felt conflicted.
One part of me – the selfish, “I never get a break and am always the one who sacrifices when the kids are sick or just off of school” part of me – felt defeated. I was already planning out in my head how the day would be only moderately productive while I tended to your nine-year-old needs.
The added logistics of having one child in school and another at home sick just added to the “crazy” that the day would undoubtedly contain.
Instantly, I flashed back to moments when you’d spend a whole day going back and forth between the bathroom and my arms, alternating between comfort and sheer abdominal agony. During those moments, your fingers were tinier, your body smaller, and your amazing inner strength not so obvious yet. They seemed like yesterday, but the years have been rapidly ticking by.
Then, the other part of me quickly took over. The part of me that was absolutely tormented over my little angel being in pain. The part that secretly enjoys having my babies (that aren’t babies anymore) home with me in the only place in this world that I can guarantee their safety. And, the part that is happy to have a guilt-free excuse to spend a little extra time with my child.
At that moment, I softened.
All I could think of was how quickly you are growing and how few moments are left in your life where you will truly need me. Your beautiful little eyes looked at me for comfort, and I only wanted to hug you and hold you tight. So I did, for longer than a moment. A few extra moments, in fact, because I know I will wish later today, tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year, that I held you just a little closer and for just a little longer while I still had the chance.
Right now, you need me. That is one of the most awesome feelings a parent can have… this beautiful, amazing “mini-me” needs ME. And, while I still have such influence over you, I want to teach you how it feels to be ridiculously loved.
The world will get to you soon enough. I’m sure it has in some small ways already. But, until then, I plan to shower you in love and fill your bucket so full that it never runs dry.
Yes, I’m a busy, working mom. I work online… at home… amid the daily chaos of life. But life doesn’t have a “do over” button.
So this time around, you will know you are loved, treasured, adored, and special. No matter what deadline or stressor may come my way, there will always be time for another hug. I pinkie promise.